I went through so many emotions when writing these two books, it made me step back and wonder "what if I really was this character?" This woman who progresses from terrified teen in A DREAM LOST to a talented woman in charge of herself, determined to get even for what happened to her, in THE DEVIL'S DUE. How would I have weathered the situations I placed Jen in?
Let's start at the beginning.
Somehow we think about horrible experiences as being what happens to other people...not us. But, when you are in the head of a character you've placed in peril, in my opinion, you have to feel what they feel to make them three dimensional. I don't know of a reader who likes learning about cardboard characters. Like an actress or actor, sometimes you have to think about things that happened to you to get in touch with how the character would be affected.
Someone once told me that reactions are strange things. You see someone trip, then fall. Inexplicably, you start to giggle. Why? Not because you thought it was funny, but because you are relieved it didn't happen to you. Think about that? Have you ever done it or something similar? I remember seeing a crash on the freeway and feeling almost giddy...it was their car, not mine.
So how you would really feel if you woke up in a strange room, couldn't move and realized that you were bound hand and foot. Couldn't call out because of the gag cutting into your mouth. Heart pounding, what do you do?
When I'd reached, oh probably the eighth or ninth draft...remember, I worked on this over a very long period of time...I read that first chapter aloud in a writer's group. One of the members said, "It's a good beginning. It grabs you, but you've got it wrong. I was kidnapped and one of the first things I did was move my fingers and toes to make sure they were there. Sounds strange, but it's what I did. I think she should do that somewhere in the first chapter, trying to get a grip on reality. Where is she? Why? Is everything in tact, or has she been hurt? Let the reader feel her terror."
Another member said, "I don't think she'd think in full sentences. Try short bursts. I think that's what I would do in that situation. Hell, I can't picture having the reasoning power to construct perfect sentences when panic is setting in."
I took their suggestions and went back to the drawing board again. Now A DREAM LOST starts like this:
CHAPTER 1
A door slamming makes one jump, but it doesn't make one afraid. What one fears is the serpent that crawls underneath it. Collette, Cheri
CHICAGO, NOVEMBER, 1956.
I didn’t care if I ever opened my eyes again. Had it really been a year? A whole year of forcing myself to go on? Images raced through my mind like the pictures in one of those flip books—the kind that look like they’re moving when the pages are fanned.
As each new image appeared, my feeling of terror built. They sped up, swirling faster and faster.
Flip. Flip. Flip.
Soon the sheet was drenched with perspiration. A non-stop string of panicked thoughts taunted me. Can’t breathe. Arms, legs. Hurt. Move, move. Paralyzed? Please God, not polio. Relax. Breathe. Nightmare. Where’s Mama? Work early? Breathe. Breathe. Judy still here?
Shout!
I tried to cry out, but my tongue slid around something wedged in my mouth, while hot tears welled in my eyes.
Concentrate!
I fixed on bits of dust clinging to a leafy design pressed into the plaster ceiling, thinking they looked like furry caterpillars ready to spin cocoons.
Flip. Flip. Flip.
The realization hit me like a sledgehammer. Not my ceiling! Not my room!
Well, that gives you a little taste of what's to come. The next post will discuss how I moved on from there.
---Arliss Adams
COMING IN 2010
A DREAM LOST
THE DEVIL'S DUE
